Finding my footing

I was 18 when I first set foot in the CBD for work. Back then, I managed to secure an administrative position in a private bank, earning $7/hour. I remember squeezing alongside adults decked in office attire – ladies in killer heels and body-hugging dresses, and men in neatly tucked shirts and pants. I also remember feeling engulfed by this overwhelming feeling of adulthood, thinking that that was what I was supposed to be working towards once I graduate from school.

 

“Is this it….?” 

 

I remember that there was this moment of realization that this didn’t seem like my way of living. Is this what adult life is all about? Rushing beside frantic working adults everyday after alighting from Raffles Place, feeling anxious as I fumbled for my card at the gantry, because I delayed my card-tapping by 0.2s which might be causing a potential queue to form behind me. Fighting for a seat during lunch at one of the crazily crowded hawker centres (because who can afford $12 salads everyday with a median salary?), hoping to be able to spot a newly-cleared table before the other eagle-eyed humans do. Wondering whether I need some tea to survive my post-lunch food coma. Looking at the clock and counting down to the end of work.

 

 

I remember 18-year-old me telling myself to never work in the CBD. I guess the idea of 16 years of education and ending up as one of them ‘corporate zombies’ just didn’t sit well with me.

 

Well, why the sudden reminiscence, you might ask?

 

Because that was what I just faced this morning. Just that in today’s situation, I’ve become one of the adults I vowed not to become. A corporate zombie.

 

I now work in the CBD, and walk alongside other busy-looking adults in the mornings. I’ve joined the peak hour crowd and am squeezing my way in MRTs to get to work. I now chope my lunch spots with tissue packs, and hop on equally packed trains to head home as the skies turn dark.

 

While this lifestyle has been going on for the past few months, the reality only kinda just hit this morning. Where I felt this sudden and momentary wave of disgust at myself as I recalled the thought 18-year-old me used to have.

 

Have I lost my direction?

 

I started my first job after graduation in the West. As such, my direction to work wasn’t of the general public, and so I didn’t have to squeeze on public transport. My subsequent jobs hovered around other areas in Singapore and was never based in the CBD. While I’ve always been in corporate jobs, I think being physically situated in the CBD reaffirms that feeling that I am INDEED just one of the others now.

 

Am I… losing myself?

 

Upon settling at my desk and on deeper thought, I realised that I have been pretty hard for myself.

 

Over the years, my career priorities have shifted. Right at the beginning, my focus was to just do what interested me. Money, career advancement, job opportunities and benefits weren’t things I thought about.

 

I’m thankful that I decided to be more introspective afterwards, and thought deeper into crafting my career. I realized that it wasn’t practical to just focus on one aspect in a role – there are many factors that affect a job. A job cannot be sustained with merely passion, it has to be able to pay the bills, it has to come with a decent supervisor, a healthy work environment etc. In fact, having just passion tend to lead to burn out, and that’s… really not ideal.

 

What does your job mean to you?

 

Over time, I discovered what a job meant to me. While we’ve been fed the romantic narrative that we should absolutely love what we do and thus not work a day in our life, I’ve come to realise that it is okay to be in a 9-5 role. It’s okay to not feel fiery passion in my role, and it’s enough to feel just okay (not hating on it sounds easy to achieve, but really, it’s pretty easy to start feeling that ‘meh’ in a role after some time), provides me fair compensation, allows me to feel like I’m contributing to society, and use that income I’m earning to fund my passions outside of work instead.

 

It’s okay to find my own balance and enjoy that. And that I can be an ordinary employee and still feel accomplished about my life.

Right now, my role is challenging yet not overwhelming. Allows me to grow in my own pace and learn new things. Allows me to head home on time and not type furiously in front of the laptop at 9pm. Allows me to take a guilt-free break while I’m on leave. Gives me an income that lets me live comfortably by my standards. Provides me colleagues that are relatively easy to work with. Allows me to stay relevant in the job market. Offers decent benefits so that I can visit the clinic without worrying (lol). 

 

Takeaways from a working millennial

 

I guess the main lessons I’ve gotten from my career path so far would be:

 

1) Always ask yourself what you value in a job. It doesn’t have to make sense to others, but you got to make peace with it.

2) Opportunities can sometimes happen when you least expect it. If you never try, you’d never know.

3) Try your best to not compare yourself with others. It’s almost too easy to do that these days with LinkedIn and all, but everyone is on a different path. Really. What we see is just a small segment of their lives.

4) It’s easy to forget our priorities after being in our jobs for a period of time. It might be useful to do a self-check-in every once in a while. :-)

 

In any case, while 18-year-old me might have gawked at the current me for tapping at the Raffles Place gantries every morning today, I am proud of how far I’ve come, and am truly appreciative of the opportunities that came my way, to be who I am today. 

 

Here’s to evolving career priorities, and finding our own voice in the midst of a very noisy crowd.