Finding my footing

I was 18 when I first set foot in the CBD for work. Back then, I managed to secure an administrative position in a private bank, earning $7/hour. I remember squeezing alongside adults decked in office attire – ladies in killer heels and body-hugging dresses, and men in neatly tucked shirts and pants. I also remember feeling engulfed by this overwhelming feeling of adulthood, thinking that that was what I was supposed to be working towards once I graduate from school.

 

“Is this it….?” 

 

I remember that there was this moment of realization that this didn’t seem like my way of living. Is this what adult life is all about? Rushing beside frantic working adults everyday after alighting from Raffles Place, feeling anxious as I fumbled for my card at the gantry, because I delayed my card-tapping by 0.2s which might be causing a potential queue to form behind me. Fighting for a seat during lunch at one of the crazily crowded hawker centres (because who can afford $12 salads everyday with a median salary?), hoping to be able to spot a newly-cleared table before the other eagle-eyed humans do. Wondering whether I need some tea to survive my post-lunch food coma. Looking at the clock and counting down to the end of work.

 

 

I remember 18-year-old me telling myself to never work in the CBD. I guess the idea of 16 years of education and ending up as one of them ‘corporate zombies’ just didn’t sit well with me.

 

Well, why the sudden reminiscence, you might ask?

 

Because that was what I just faced this morning. Just that in today’s situation, I’ve become one of the adults I vowed not to become. A corporate zombie.

 

I now work in the CBD, and walk alongside other busy-looking adults in the mornings. I’ve joined the peak hour crowd and am squeezing my way in MRTs to get to work. I now chope my lunch spots with tissue packs, and hop on equally packed trains to head home as the skies turn dark.

 

While this lifestyle has been going on for the past few months, the reality only kinda just hit this morning. Where I felt this sudden and momentary wave of disgust at myself as I recalled the thought 18-year-old me used to have.

 

Have I lost my direction?

 

I started my first job after graduation in the West. As such, my direction to work wasn’t of the general public, and so I didn’t have to squeeze on public transport. My subsequent jobs hovered around other areas in Singapore and was never based in the CBD. While I’ve always been in corporate jobs, I think being physically situated in the CBD reaffirms that feeling that I am INDEED just one of the others now.

 

Am I… losing myself?

 

Upon settling at my desk and on deeper thought, I realised that I have been pretty hard for myself.

 

Over the years, my career priorities have shifted. Right at the beginning, my focus was to just do what interested me. Money, career advancement, job opportunities and benefits weren’t things I thought about.

 

I’m thankful that I decided to be more introspective afterwards, and thought deeper into crafting my career. I realized that it wasn’t practical to just focus on one aspect in a role – there are many factors that affect a job. A job cannot be sustained with merely passion, it has to be able to pay the bills, it has to come with a decent supervisor, a healthy work environment etc. In fact, having just passion tend to lead to burn out, and that’s… really not ideal.

 

What does your job mean to you?

 

Over time, I discovered what a job meant to me. While we’ve been fed the romantic narrative that we should absolutely love what we do and thus not work a day in our life, I’ve come to realise that it is okay to be in a 9-5 role. It’s okay to not feel fiery passion in my role, and it’s enough to feel just okay (not hating on it sounds easy to achieve, but really, it’s pretty easy to start feeling that ‘meh’ in a role after some time), provides me fair compensation, allows me to feel like I’m contributing to society, and use that income I’m earning to fund my passions outside of work instead.

 

It’s okay to find my own balance and enjoy that. And that I can be an ordinary employee and still feel accomplished about my life.

Right now, my role is challenging yet not overwhelming. Allows me to grow in my own pace and learn new things. Allows me to head home on time and not type furiously in front of the laptop at 9pm. Allows me to take a guilt-free break while I’m on leave. Gives me an income that lets me live comfortably by my standards. Provides me colleagues that are relatively easy to work with. Allows me to stay relevant in the job market. Offers decent benefits so that I can visit the clinic without worrying (lol). 

 

Takeaways from a working millennial

 

I guess the main lessons I’ve gotten from my career path so far would be:

 

1) Always ask yourself what you value in a job. It doesn’t have to make sense to others, but you got to make peace with it.

2) Opportunities can sometimes happen when you least expect it. If you never try, you’d never know.

3) Try your best to not compare yourself with others. It’s almost too easy to do that these days with LinkedIn and all, but everyone is on a different path. Really. What we see is just a small segment of their lives.

4) It’s easy to forget our priorities after being in our jobs for a period of time. It might be useful to do a self-check-in every once in a while. :-)

 

In any case, while 18-year-old me might have gawked at the current me for tapping at the Raffles Place gantries every morning today, I am proud of how far I’ve come, and am truly appreciative of the opportunities that came my way, to be who I am today. 

 

Here’s to evolving career priorities, and finding our own voice in the midst of a very noisy crowd.

Would I ever be satisfied with my job?

 Hey guys, it’s been a while since I’ve popped by.

After realising my interest in writing and pivoting my career into the content space, I’ve ironically turned into one of those who have unknowingly made something they’re interested in into a job. 

That means tragically turning what I’ve previously enjoyed into something I find a chore.

Nevertheless, I’m trying to make it a point to jot my thoughts down here to make sure that future me would have something to laugh at.

Anyway, back to the main point of today’s post.

I’m currently covid positive, which means I’m stuck in my room nursing my health back while enjoying this mandatory solitude. 

Which means loads of space to think and ponder about life.

Woohoo!

Being away from work for a week also meant that I had some headspace to not think about work.

Which made me realise how much I don’t feel like heading back to work next Monday.

And then I suddenly felt pretty sad - am I supposed to have Monday blues for the rest of my life? 

Like… is this it?

As I’m typing right now, I’ve been working for almost 6 years full-time since graduation, and am on my third job.

I also thought I was the kinda person who would stick to my first job till my retirement years, but look where we are at haha. I guess I can even be considered a ‘job hopper’ to some based on the number of roles I had.

Looking back, I think my priorities towards a job have shifted so much over the years.

I’ve since learnt the dangers of mixing passion with work. And that it’s not all roses and butterflies if you do so. And it’s OKAY to not be 100% passionate with what you do at your day job.

That your day job can be just a vehicle for you to earn your keep and allow you to sustain your standards of living.

And was what gave me the push to move on from my previous role to my current one.

But… why do I feel like I still dread work? 

Am I just too demanding, or asking for too much?

I tried to compare what I used to have and what I have now.

I’m earning slightly more than my previous role, with lower stress levels and better work-life balance. 

But now that I’m doing something that doesn’t interest me as much, I can’t seem to feel motivated at work.

I can’t help but to feel like there should be more to this.

Am I the only one feeling this way?

Will I ever find the perfect balance in a job?

I guess there’s still so much for me to figure out in this career journey of mine.

Can I Really Retire Early?

I began this whole personal finance journey proper only after graduation, when I got my first proper 9-5 job. I had this whole ‘the world is your oyster!’ mindset, and I felt like I could finally have the freedom to exercise my own financial choices, and be fully responsible for it.

When I first came across the idea of FIRE (Financial Independence Retire Early), I was hooked. You mean, it’s possible to not slog away 40 years of my life and then reach the point of retirement? What wonderful amazing idea is this! 

Wow, now THAT sounds real tempting. 

I started reading up sites and blogs, looking through articles which were written by people who were already on this journey, and I was feeling super pumped. 

Not just random people living in the States too, there were articles written by Singaporeans, as this FIRE trend started taking over globally. 

Something about people practising it in Singapore which makes it more.... relatable? 

Like, even Singaporeans ARE achieving it! It’s proven! It’s possible! 

Also found variations of FIRE (Fat FIRE, lean FIRE etc) and with these variations, you could set a goal for yourself to create more leeway, which makes it slightly more realistic or achieveable.

There were a few things which these sites mainly focused on, which were stuff like:

1) Frugality (in terms of spendings and lifestyle) 

2) Focusing on delayed gratification 

3) Saving xx% of your income 

4) Having a diversified investment portfolio

It usually revolves around these points (probably more, just off the top of my head). I read on and felt like even though it seemed that it could be doable (with a truckload of discipline exercised), it just seemed really tough. 

I mean, I have an always-below-the-median pay. Most of these people who are well on track for this journey are making it by leaping through promotion hoops at work, they are bright people who have high incomes and are able to save a large chunk of their income by living way below their means, and then achieving independence at 35 or something.

It was pretty discouraging, especially when you know you’re just an average joe who’ll only earn an average keep. 

However, determined to at least give this whole journey a shot, I decided to break this whole seemingly unattainable journey down into little digestible pieces. The road is long, and I didn’t want to give up just right at the start. 

I started little goal posts for myself, little achievable targets which might keep me encouraged and to keep going.

I'm gonna start sharing what some of my targets are in the next couple of blog posts.

P.S. They aren't BIG things, just something an average salaryman like me can handle. Little baby steps.

Keep ya posted! ;)

Changing My Job in the Midst of COVID-19 (& Impending Recession?)

Here we are, already in the middle of 2020.

Time is sure flying by in the scariest speed possible.

Here’s one thing about Aging - nobody tells you how your perception of time changes.

I truly understand why they say that time waits for no man lol. Once you’re in your 20s, you just gotta blink once and the next thing you know - you’re someone in your mid-30s, being all astonished because you’ve survived unknowingly in the workforce for more than 10 years.

BAAAM. #adulting

Now, now. I almost forgot how Dec 2019 was like. I guess I was a different person back then. I was still comfortably in the govt sector, and happily collected my AWS.

Who knew how much the world would’ve changed in a span of.... 5 months?

Worldwide pandemic. Markets hitting a new low. Us being forced to accept lifestyle changes as new norms.

It felt so surreal. It was as if the world were suddenly moving at twice the speed.

In the midst of all these, I was struggling with my own personal choices. What a time to be making life-changing decisions, huh? My brain can be such a joker sometimes.

Remember my post on my career?

So, I took a leap of faith..... and left my first job.

What a scary time, really.

And as of today, I've been at my new workplace for a month.

(Happy monthsary to me!)

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Onboarding at my new workplace was a whole new experience.

I had a kind delivery from the company's HR, where I received my work laptop and company tees.

I stared at the tees, still slowly trying to absorb the fact that I was going to join this company that I have been a fan of.

The first week went by in a blur.

I slowly got used to the new laptop, while trying to be up to speed with the new jargon and applications I had to use.

Besides a complete shift in industries, I was now facing a completely new job role, while juggling this new change with the COVID-19 work-from-home situation.

It was definitely overwhelming.

I struggled to keep afloat, regularly checking my Google calendar to make sure that I wasn't missing out on any Zoom calls or Google Hangouts.

I was pushing myself to an edge, forcing myself to adapt as quickly as I could, in order to be a more efficient worker, and in some way, I wanted to prove that I wasn't a waste of company's resources - especially in a time like this, where companies were trying their best to save costs.

I would be lying if I were to say that this whole job transition was a breeze.

But I'm incredibly thankful for patient colleagues, who have been trying their best to teach me everything they could, in this very new and strange work environment.

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Onboarding in the time of COVID-19 also robbed me the ability to create regular first impressions with my new colleagues.

Goodbye to regular hellos and handshakes, and Hello faces on computer screens and communication channels.

We are now in a slightly awkward phase of 'knowing, yet no knowing' each other. Building rapport is definitely more challenging without seeing one another physically, but yet again, very thankful for them for being encouraging and patient despite having a mountainous load of work on their backs.

I can't wait to meet them in person and get to know them proper. :-)

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I know that I'll be looking back at this in a couple of years down the road, and laugh at how memorable and special this situation is.

But I just want to note it down here to remind myself of my progress and my efforts, and that leap of faith I took to make that career switch at this extremely scary period of time, and that I am proud to have made this jump, because I know that this decision will provide me with new challenges, and help me grow in ways I wouldn't have if I were to choose to remain comfortable.

Ah, another experience for the memories.

Losing Track of Your (Financial) Purpose

The thing about drafting a blog post is that it isn't like posting instastories - you don't get that instant gratification, and if you let your thoughts sit around for a bit, the feelings of jotting it down start dissipating.

So that kinda explains my (almost) 2-month long hiatus from this space. I had these fleeting thoughts about life and such (#adulting, y'know. life thoughts errday everyday), but my mentally exhausted self couldn't find that motivation on weekdays. We all read articles on the routines of billionaires, them waking up in the wee hours of the morning and breaking their days into chunks of productive work, and I'm like "ok. I can never be like them.".

Anyway, I woke up this Sunday morning to lovely weather, and felt extra happy to snooze in bed without an alarm. I ate my breakfast at 10:30, and while working through the meal, I had a sudden thought about the productivity these billionaires had. Though I mostly enjoy sleeping in on the weekends, I do sometimes think of how these hours spent in bed could potentially be turned into hours of productivity, and ultimately becoming little building blocks of my eventual 'success'.

It's weird but I kinda feel like I'm losing track of my financial goals.

I started my post-graduation journey feeling very motivated, excited to use my youth as my advantage, to learn as much as I could so that I could have a 'head-start' with these newly gained knowledge. However, it feels like thoughts like these have taken a backseat recently. The desire to swim against the current has always been purely self-driven - people around me seem settled with the fact that they are going to be part of the norm. Advancing through the career ladder, settle down with kids, retire at 65 with a fat cpf account. I have always felt like the only one wanting to do something different, and lead another version of life. I've been seeking motivation from people online, keeping a lookout for a like-minded community, which undoubtedly provides a level of reassurance and inspiration.

However, on days where I don't remind myself of what I ultimately want, I feel like I slip comfortably back to square one. Sometimes, I have thoughts of being okay with where I am. Hustling along with life, safe in this comfort zone. Getting used to the notion of having Monday blues, and looking forward to weekends. And this scares me. It scares me knowing that if I don't want something hard enough, I might just lose sight of it.

All these while, I have been focusing on saving, learning the basics of investing, learning to stretch my dollar through the various apps, finding tips and tricks of credit card rebates and such. Even though it always feels shiok to see that money credited to your Shopback account, or seeing the figures in your bank account slowly climbing up, it sometimes feels like I'm getting nowhere with it.....? Not sure whether it even makes sense. It's like you are painting this huge painting with this incredibly tiny brush, and you wonder how long it's gonna take for the painting to be completed. Or whether it'll even turn out to be a decent painting.

And it feels like if I don't remind myself of this big goal that I have, I might just slip back to being a regular wage slave, struggling to survive in SG. Clocking in and out through my daily life, doing what I told myself I should never do. :'(

What a scary thought huh?

This journey is indeed a marathon. So how do you keep the momentum, and the drive to do so?

Career Crossroads in my 20s?

It’s the end of another work week. 

After exclaiming my weekly ‘TGIF lo!!!’, I packed my bags, gleamed at my schedule of no plans, headed home for a hearty home-cooked dinner, and had a comforting bath before getting nicely nestled in bed.

While performing my daily millennial ritual of social media scrolling, I came across this meaningful video by SoImJenn, featuring Grab on raising the awareness of inclusivity of the PWD community, through their Grab for Good campaign.

Here’s the video:

After watching the video, I got all teary. It’s amazing how such videos remind me of how fortunate we are, and the littlest things that we often overlook.

However, the strongest feeling I got from this video was actually - what the heck am I doing with my life?

In fact, this question has been boggling my mind for the past couple of weeks, or even months. This actually came as a surprise to me - I have always thought of myself to be satisfied with where I was, contented with my day-to-day duties, and then one day, my brain decided to switch gears and it suddenly became..... confused. I became confused.

Confused about two words - my purpose.

It started off as a small speck of thought. It would occasionally peek in, while I was in the shower (y’know, shower thoughts), while I’m on the train to work, or become I fall asleep at night. These thoughts would just come and go, occasionally weaving through the slivers of my mind. 

And then it got more common. I found myself questioning things more often. I began to look at different situations and was thinking about how things might, or could have been. 

I know, it’s freaking weird to say this - but am I on my career crossroads? I’m barely 3ish years into the workforce, am I even allowed to verbalise this, or feel this way?? Is there such a thing as being too young to say that? Shouldn’t people only feel it when they have hustled for many years, and when they are in the midst of their mid-career crises? 

I feel almost ashamed for feeling like that. :’(

And there’s just this voice in my head, which I call ‘The Logical Mel’. It usually tells me: 

“STOP BEING AN IDEALIST!!! STOP THINKING SO MUCH! YOU ARE JUST COMPLICATING THINGS. JUST GO WITH THIS SAFE & CONVENTIONAL LIFESTYLE!”

My peers are mostly on their second on third jobs. Everyone around me seems to know what they want - they seem to have their plans in place, everyone has their game going, and nobody seems to be questioning their current way of living. 

This makes me a lot more doubtful of myself. It’s difficult to reach out to a goal which is of the minority, it feels like a real lonely journey. 

While I can’t shake off this nagging feeling, I’m rooted by so many fears. 

1. Am I being ungrateful for leaving something I don’t dislike?

This is at the top of my list. The fact that I don’t dislike my job. I used to think that that itself should make me stay somewhere, because that’s already something that’s hard to come by. There are so many people who dread heading to work, because they really really dislike facing what they do on a daily basis. I don’t dislike what I’m doing, there are some aspects which are still interesting. Which makes the situation a whole lot trickier.

You see, if you hate your job, you’ll be so compelled to leave it. But here I am, slowly getting comfortable/used to my area of work, having my own group of colleagues to hang out with, and I’m not completely sucky at what I do. 

Leaving something that's termed as an iron rice bowl is also pretty damn scary. When I see people streaming in for interviews at my company, it reminds that people are actually fighting for a spot like me. Is it...... worth giving up?

However, I think  I don’t feel mentally stimulated at work. Most of the time, I’m just following through work processes, and getting them done to achieve KPIs. And that itself is worrying to me. Isn't that akin to being a corporate slave? If I were to get complacent at this age, I can’t imagine how I would be in 5 years time....? 10 years time......? The fact that humans get more reluctant to leave their comfort zones as time passes, really scares me. 

2. Fear of letting my parents down

This. Another one. I feel like I can't afford to 'make a mistake', if that even makes sense? I know that this shouldn't be the biggest concern, but I would never want to let my parents down. They've given me so much all these years, and it is my wish to be able to provide them financially, if I were to have the means to do so.

Leaving something which provides me financial security and certainty is damn freaking intimidating. Being armed with a local undergraduate degree does come with its advantages. My parents have put me through college with their hard-earned money, and that provided me with an opportunity to be on a slight pedestal for certain opportunities. It was because of them, that I got this privilege. Throwing that away just seemed really ungrateful..... you know?

By making such a decision, am I being really selfish?

3. Fear of it being just an idealistic bubble

Am I just being too idealistic? Is it too idealistic for me to hold on to the belief that there should still be more to life than just this? Is it wrong to think that there should be more purpose in what we spend 8h every weekday on? Or is it just too good to be true?

There's this concept about Ikigai by the Japanese.

For the uninitiated, Ikigai is a Japanese concept that means "a reason for being." (From Wiki). In short, achieve the centre of the venn diagram, and you'll wake up feeling full of purpose, and have a sense of purpose and meaning to life. 

And I'm completely convinced by it. That's definitely the 'best case scenario', but shouldn't we actively work towards it? I strongly believe having purpose is what drives people to do better, do good and feel fulfilled. 

But with this concept being predominantly in cities with a slower pace of life, is it too idealistic to strive towards this way of life?

4. Fear of not being (good) enough?

I am looking for something that keeps me excited and motivated. I want to serve the community, and to give back to people. I want to spend the bulk of my time doing something that I know is helping in improving someone's life, be it in a small or big way. 

I was listening to a podcast recommended by someone on Dayre (@qinqin, hello if you see this!), which is called the LITO podcast. It is started by a duo, Danny and Rebecca. On the show, they talk about relatable topics such as mental health, doing joyful work, passion etc etc. I found myself looking forward to every episode, and resonating well with the thoughts shared by the speakers. The topics and their way of speaking were very digestible, and easy to listen to. I found it particularly enjoyable because of the way they showed their vulnerability, and they were very willing the challenges they faced along the way, and what it took to get them to where they are at now. It is very inspiring. :-) 

As you can imagine, the both of them are #goals now. They are working on what they are passionate about, and you could tell from their voices. They are such happy people, it's amazing. However, it took them hard work, grit and courage for them to get to where they are right now.

In one of the earlier episodes, there was a brief mention on self-doubt. I remembered thinking to myself - hey! Seems like.... it's normal? It's like a hurdle of fear you have to cross, to take that leap of faith before reaping its results. 

But the fear is sooooo, so daunting. 

What if I'm just not good enough in whatever I wish to do?

Do I try harder, fail, try harder again, before losing hope because I'm just not enough for it?

Do I regret my choices afterwards?

Privilege - Having the Choice To Quit Your Job

Headed out bright and early this morning to meet my friend, and decided to take a shortcut by passing through the mall. It was about 9:30 in the morning, and the mall was still half asleep. The shutters were still up for most of the stores, and it was quite peaceful and quiet, unlike the usual scene we see in malls these days (crowded!).

Caught a glimpse of the retail store I used to work for, back in the university days. It looked exactly like how it was 6 years ago, when I did the morning shift. I momentarily recalled my stint there for a couple of months, and I slightly winced at the thought of that. 

I remembered counting my spending back then by hours. This plate of chicken rice? It costs 0.5h of my pay. That new facial cleanser? 3h of my pay. I remember watching the time pass during the lull period, thinking to myself: wow time CAN indeed come to a standstill lol. Money was indeed hard earned. You’re literally trading your time for $7/h, selling off time you could have spent hanging out with family and friends, doing something you like, or just be a happy couch potato.

You look at your friends going on long holidays and have gorgeous photos online. Instead, you spend these hours packing up the mess that customers made. You spend it facing people who look past you, as though you are 5 levels below them. You spend it wondering why (some) humans are just rude and inconsiderate towards strangers who serve them with a smile. You would feel mentally and emotionally trampled on, but you also live for moments when customers greet you with the widest smiles, when parents allow their little kids to sneak a little play with you. When customers are extra appreciative and polite when you assist them with their queries. It’s like you see this bad side of people, and you get comforted by the good side too.

I also started noticing things that I didn’t as a regular shopper. Now I think about the hard work of these employees before and after store hours. The back-breaking work to get the store ready, and also the clean-up after everyone leaves. It’s amazing how terrible being a retail assistant could feel sometimes, yet how it taught me to be more understanding and tolerant towards people.

Okay, back to the main stream of my thoughts.

Recalling how I used to feel from my retail job, I  compared it to how I feel towards my current office job. I'm currently at my third year mark of my first job after graduation - at this point, your peers around you start asking you: when are you switching jobs? The culture of 'job-hopping' is prevalent and unlike the past, it is now widely accepted. Job switches are currently seen as gaining of experiences, instead of being disloyal or career-ruining. Instead of comfortably settling in a job4life, millennials are taught that stagnancy in a company is baaaad.


When this memory of my part-time stint flashed across my mind, idk whether it sounds strange, but I had this sudden immense gratitude. Look at people around us, slogging their lives out and clocking 12h shifts, or even juggling two jobs. Quitting a job was never a choice, at least not for reasons that we now think of. For personal development, for a refreshing change. It is such a privilege to be in my shoes to have such 'worries', to ponder over things I would think would govern the next five years of my life, yet in a macroscopic perspective, seems so...... insignificant.

I don't have to worry about quitting without fearing the inability to purchase groceries or my next meal. I don't have to worry about quitting because I can't pay my bills. Even though I love to save $ and am a cheapo in certain ways, I have the luxury of spending a few hundred dollars on a musical/concert ticket, or buy a new wallet without any second thoughts. It is... a privilege to be able to live like that.

May I always remember this privilege, especially during difficult times at work. Albeit some not-too-pleasant encounters here and there, I no longer have to face unexpected nasty strangers (I can just ignore irritating colleagues hahaha). I no longer have to brave through shifts just to ensure I have pocket money next week. :-)


Such random thoughts I have even just by crossing a mall. Goodness haha.